Oldies but goodies!

April 18, 2009 2 Comments A+ a-

Just about every Flight Attendant has seen these jokes as they've made their way around the Internet. Just in case you haven't...here's a little humorous taste of our lives:

So, You Want to Be a Flight Attendant?

1. Go to a resale store and find an old, navy blue suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear the same outfit for three consecutive days.

2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for a flight and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.

3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back.

4. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night.

5. Remove the covers from several TV entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it’s completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don’t include anything for yourself.

6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they’ve received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service.

7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours later when you’re really hungry.

8. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from your family’s meal.

9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night.

10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband’s wing-tips and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake.

11. Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold sweet roll. Don’t forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school.

12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out in the yard. If it’s not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like you’re waiting for the crew bus to pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.

13. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up carryout food from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you’ll be ready for your wake-up call.

14. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you’ll be ready to work your first trip as a Flight Attendant.

You Know You're a Flight Attendant if....

1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter.

2. You search for a button to flush the toilet.

3. You look for the "crew line" at the grocery store.

4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard.

5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them.

6. You NEVER unpack.

7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces.

8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin.

9. You care about the local news in a city three states away.

10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways.

11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit.

12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock.

13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin.

14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs" .

15. You always point with two fingers.

16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice.

17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day" when someone leaves your home.

18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At this time...", "For your safety...", "Feel free", and "As a reminder..."

19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of In Touch, Star, and People magazines.

20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to make sure the "gauge is in the green".

21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows.

22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are.

23. You refer to cities by their airport codes.

24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling.

25. You actually understand every item on this list.

Blondie
Blondie

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April 20, 2009 at 5:07 PM delete

thanks for this lovely post, it made me laugh! funny one!
:) have a nice day

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April 30, 2009 at 2:11 AM delete

I loved this list. It's so different from the other side. I'm usually pretty understanding, accomodating and cooperative because I've been in the restaurant business (family owned) and I've worked in a resort hotel - so I know what the service industry is like. And YES, I know you're there for our safety and NOT to serve us Diet Cokes. But man, I don't know how you do it....you must all be saints (on the outside. lol)

I do want to know though....

How do I pack for a 2 weeks trip in a roll aboard?

and,

What are 25 uses for an air sickness bag?

Safe travels!

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